EMMC

             

           I would love to be able to eloquently describe the way i feel. To be able to write down the hurt and the confusion would help, but i don't have the gift of words so i'll try.

      James and i tell everyone that we are okay. In reality we know we are going to be okay, and we know that The Lord has us in his capable and loving hands. However what we really feel wouldn't be described as okay, maybe growing, or healing. Those aren't as easy to say out loud. So "okay" suffices for now. We are growing though. Each step forward on the path the Lord has us on we get a little taller. And sometimes the things we learn seem like billboards we pass and other things we learn seem like roadblocks. And the roadblocks have a way of making you stop in your tracks and examine growth, and sometimes they give you time to heal. I guess you could say we are at a roadblock examining and healing. Our hurt is hard and real. Not something we say oh its just a trial. I think that is wrong, our baby wasn't a trial. A gift. Our baby was a person to us, someone we were realizing had our love without us giving it; carried some of our joy without us recognizing it was even gone. That is until it was. Now we are left with a little joy missing and a person we loved gone. No matter how anyone else thinks that we should handle where we are, we in truth have to handle it in our own way. 

   We by no means are broken. James and I are strong in the Lord Jesus Christ. And we look forward to the future. I know this seems a little reaching to some, but to us we are parents. I know we don't have a baby room or toys scattered around in our living room, no diapers or bottles. But i won't defend my feelings, how can i. We loved like parents, were proud like parents, now sad like parents. 

   But still we are healing. And we are thankful for all the love that so many people have shared with us. The pains of their own miscarriages to bring us comfort, food to give us ease, and the love of their friendship to help us heal. We truly do love  all of you. Thank you again.

                        

                                    ~Mercy